Have you ever been bullied or harassed? If you have you're not alone. Many kids all around the world are being bullied right now, at this exact moment. The worst type of bullying happens online, cyber bullying. It's really easy for a bully to bully online because the bully isn't face to face with the victim, therefore its easier to talk mean and disrespectful. When you're being bullied online you're most likely going to feel alone and like an outcast. This is when bullying becomes serious. What is said to the victim, stays with the victim for the rest of their life and after awhile they start to believe what's been said. They will feel like they aren't worth living or breathing. Of course they wouldn’t tell an adult because they're afraid to. Afraid they will get hurt by the bully. When really it would save their life.
This hook has a very strong start. You show a clear topic, and beginning with a question is effective. You have led the reader into the subject of bullying and narrowed it to cyber bullying specifically. After the first three sentences, however, you begin to add details that would be better suited to the body of the essay rather than the introduction. Remember that as a hook, you only need to introduce your topic. The explanations come later.
ReplyDeleteYour opinion is clear and you gave context, but your thesis statement is not clear. For the thesis of a persuasive essay, consider questions such as, What can be done to stop cyber bullying? How can we protect ourselves from bullying on the web? Why do people keep bullying a secret? Consider coming up with one such question when you work on essays in the future. It will allow your essay to have a clear direction.